30 weeks

Yay! 30 weeks today. I’m in my 30’s! According to www.babycenter.com the “baby's a bit more than 15 1/2 inches long now, and she weighs almost 3 pounds (we know they’ve surpassed this weight already). A pint and a half of amniotic fluid surrounds her, but that volume will decrease as she gets bigger and fills out your uterus. Her eyes open and close, she's able to distinguish between light and dark, and she can even follow a light source back and forth. Once she's born, she'll keep her eyes closed for a good part of the day. When she does open them, she'll respond to changes in light but will have a visual acuity of only 20/400 — which means she can only make out objects a few inches from her face. ("Normal" vision in adults is 20/20.)”

I go back and forth thinking I’m going to make it to 36 then freak out that birth may be imminent. Even though I’ve been reassured the babies would survive without problems if they came now, I still freak out at the thought of them being born so early. It’s not the birth so much (although I’m sure that’s going to hit me too), but it’s the thought of seeing them so fragile, so little. I want them healthy and robust. I want them to come out wailing and chubby. I want the nurses to hand the babies to me rather than whisking them to the NICU. I want to hold them rather than peer through an isolette.

So far my doctor’s plan is to do an amniocentesis (amnio) at 36 weeks, which would be February 1, 2007. Earlier in the pregnancy, I am against having an amnio for fear of rupturing the babies’ membrane. Last year when I ruptured prematurely, we found a website for women who had PROM’d (Premature Rupture Of Membranes) http://www.kanalen.org/prom/. It was a great meeting place for parents to get together and share stories, ask for prayers and even a list of what to do when PAP (Pregnant After Prom). I printed that list and brought it with me to all my doctor's visits. There were a lot of miraculous stories which gave me hope, I think that’s part of the reason we were able to hang onto Matty & Issy for an additional 3 weeks after I first ruptured. I met a couple of amazing people through the list. One who PROM’d after an amnio. Her story is heartbreaking. She was pregnant with twins (girl/girl), had an amnio at 17 weeks and then ruptured. One of the girls (PROM baby) passed away soon after birth at 26 weeks, the other was born with so many issues and difficulties. It must be so bittersweet to have one twin survive.

So I would never have an invasive procedure done and risk the health of the babies. But at 36 weeks, I’m ok with it. The doctor’s plan is to check and make sure the lungs have fully developed and if they have, she will schedule the c section soon after. It’s so hard to believe the end of the pregnancy is near. It may be nearer than I think, but I’ll continue taking one day at a time.